Unsettled

The stages in life are an interesting thing, especially when you’re not sure when one has ended and another has begun. The part that’s sad is the people who get stuck in a stage of your life and never move forward with you.

I’ve been thinking about the people who have meant a lot to me a one point in my life that are no longer here; I don’t mean they’ve died or even moved, but they are no longer present in my life. Some of those people I don’t even speak to anymore.

College builds up this tolerance to gaining people and losing them in short amounts of time, but I’ll be honest, I’m not a big fan of this process. While I guess you could say my tolerance has built up a bit, it’s still like a tiny part of who I am is lost with the people who are no longer here. Reaching the latter part of my college years has pushed me into a strong dislike for loss. Thinking about the months to come, knowing the amount of friends I have graduating, makes me cringe. I know they will continue to be my friends, even some for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t make the thought much more pleasant.

This has me thinking of how to be present in someone’s life without actually being there. And worse, it has me thinking that I don’t want to make new friends because in a year, they won’t be able to drop by my house or meet me at Starbucks for a cup of coffee.

I suppose intentionality is the remedy to this riddle. Be intentional about those who aren’t present, so it feels as if they are.

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